Same shit, different day, bitch bitch bitch moan moan moan gripe gripe gripe.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

I'm feeling more and more gone all the time.

I really want to get mad at you right now, but it wouldn't be fair.

It's like the anguish has been transferred over to me, and now I have to deal with not being able to go for the second time while Katie's now allowed to go without a fucking problem.

Fuck, I'm just so upset about tonight. why why why why why

Edit

Nevermind, apparently Morgan convinced my mom to be all right with my going to Shampoo tonight. I don't know what she did, but I love her for it.

If you take a step, I will make you sure that you take the next.
If you tell a lie, I'll just nod my head, yeah, I'll let it slide
'Cause you woke me up, and there's birds outside, and I still feel drunk,
But I'm glad you did, 'cause last night you weren't making that much sense.

You said you wanna die, now you say you wanna live,
You said you loved me after forty-five minutes;
If this is all a game can you just say it is?
I'll do it anyway, so it makes no difference.

We should order up, wash the wine out of the coffee cup.
They got bread and fruit, there's probably not much else for you.
We can lay around, you can kiss me 'til the maids come kick us out.

It's eleven now so make every second count,
But back in New York they can't ever find this out,
There are things we do that we're really not allowed.
We can say anything, but we just can't say it loud.

I hope you always find someone to take you home
To put you into bed, kiss your cheek, and check your pulse,
Make sure you're still breathing, with their hand up to your nose.
I wish that could be me, but it's just not possible.

89 new songs for my cellular device - Dr. Dog, Brand New, The Awkward Stage, Wolf Parade, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah.

I want more O:

and it was crazy. I was very, very particular about the music I allowed myself to listen to and I couldn't stop swaying my body to whatever was playing. I almost got in a fight with John because he continuously put on different songs that I just did not want to listen to - dramatic, instrumental stuff and Angel and Airwaves acoustic while I'm rolling on E? No thanks. At one point we were listening to some crazy post rock, and the song "Over the Pond" by The Album Leaf came on and it was the oddest thing. It really put my mind in a bad place, and I put on some Blink-182 directly afterward; we (Katie, Bret, John, and I) all decided that listening to eccentric things like that was a bad idea for the time being, considering our mind state.

It took about an hour and a half (if not longer) for the E to kick in, but when it did, shit was tight. My entire body was tingling at random points and the texture of certain objects blew my mind. There was a moment when we were all squeezing Teddy and we were baffled by how sponge-like it felt. And touching John's body, not to be graphic, was so neat; his skin felt akin to silk.

The entire night was spent in my orange room, illuminated by an orange pumpkin light that we four made an intimate little circle around as we listened to music, smoked, and talked. It was lovely.

so stop fucking trying.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

I'm just not happy anymore.

that I'm going to forgive the people who I previously disliked for whatever they did for me to dislike them in the first place.

I'm sorry. And even if you aren't, you're still forgiven.

My life is too short to dwell on such negative things, and I'm sorry for any pain, annoyance, etc. I've caused you all. I'm working on myself. I really am. I can't live like this anymore. I feel so bad all of the fucking time... I don't know.

I'll change.